tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have tasted many bathrooms
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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