I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
