Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
