the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
