I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The power of my boobs compel you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
