She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
