Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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