We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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