**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
