that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
