Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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