I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
