I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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