You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
