You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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