just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
