i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
