I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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