you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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