I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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