i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
