we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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