Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)

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(818): View more from California

we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes

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(604): View more from British Columbia

They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.

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(773): View more from Illinois

we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.

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(630): View more from Illinois

you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing

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(410): View more from Maryland

I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?

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