they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
