the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
