So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
