C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
