yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
