he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
