at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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