weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
