remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
