??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
