I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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