So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
