I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
