SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
