very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Soap is not a condiment
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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