I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
