Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I will pee on everything he values.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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