What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
