You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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