i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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