I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
