His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
