I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
