still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
