it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
pray to the hookup gods
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
