I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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