we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
